Thursday, March 30

I wish we could vote people off of the "Real World"

Okay people! 'Lotta stuff going on in reality TV so I'll try to be concise in my wrap up.

First of all, the "Real World" was awesome this week. Is Svetlana quite the evil bloodsucking demon Tyler makes her out to be? No, but I agree that she's probably a candidate for the top 3 most annoying MTV reality stars of all time. Her voice is seriously like nails on a chalkboard.

So this week Slutlana not just requested to be given the manager position at the tanning salon, but demanded it. I believe her exact words were, "I'm going home if I'm not manager." Wow, Fitz (is that what they call her?), demonstrating such a high level of maturity and professionalism is really going to impress your housemates. Way to make the decision an easy one.

Wait...what?! You want ZACH to be the manager?! Cool as a cucumber, works well with others, well-spoken Zach?? What is the world coming to!!!!!! A disaster for mankind, really. But alas, after a very dramatic dinner with the boss, the group not only snubbed Sweatylana for manager, but THEN Tyler nominated Jose for assistant manager and the majority spoke in agreement. OHHH!! Someone just got OWNED!

Ahem...excuse me. Just as a personal note to the Key West cast, you might not want to have intense power struggles when your boss is there. Maybe that's just me, but you could possibly save it for a closed house meeting? Then again, what do I know. These crazy kids are taking on a lot with big people jobs and all. It involves painting and buying a few chairs and even making deposits at a bank! MTV sure is putting a lot of pressure on them.

Moving on. Katharine McPhee narrowly escaped getting voted off "American Idol," but it was Lisa Tucker who bit the big one. I have a confession to make. I haven't been watching AI. I don't know what it is. The spark just isn't there anymore...I think I have a commitment problem. My eyes wander. Sure, AI has been good to me. When Kelly cried, I cried. When Clay giggled like a schoolgirl, I giggled like a slightly less effeminate schoolgirl. It started small. I'd switch back and forth through channels during commercials.'s only gotten worse. I'm always looking for a newer, sketchier model. In the words of famous poet and philosopher Fabolous, "the entree 'aint as good without somethin' on the side."

Speaking of newer MODELS...let's talk ANTM. Damn, I even surprised myself there with the cheesiness of that transition.

"America's Next Top Model" is a primo reality show for anyone who thrives on pure drama. Their manicured claws ALWAYS come out. This is my first time posting about ANTM this rotation so I'll ease you in. The drama is totally out of control. All you need to know is that Gina is a bad model who is constantly being attacked by...Jade is a power-hungry, self-proclaimed "soldier sista" who pretty much has no friends other than...Nnenna who really only talks to her because she's oblivious to what's going on, other than the fact that she's a really good model and very tall, just like...Sara who is my favorite so far by a long shot and is a blonde just like...Joanie, who I really like but has kind of a weird smile that goes along with the gap in the teeth of...Furonda. Those are this year's power players but I'll keep you posted.

Now it is time for me to pay homage to a blog that keeps us all going through the day. To the creators of TVgasm, I bow my head to you. I was pretty angry about Kina the other day but I could never articulate that hatred the way you did in your "Gauntlet 2 Reunion Special" post. Truly magnificent writing.

Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:

"And if we learned nothing else, it's that the editing doesn't lie: Kina really is an idiot. An idiot in blue eye shadow."

"Speaking of Kina, this idiot bitch had summoned her inner Jersey Girl to the nth degree. Not only had she shellacked her face with trashy blue eye shadow, but she had seemingly just spent the past four days holed up in the Real World's Mystic Tanning salon. Seriously, she was tanner now in the middle of winter (when this was shot) than when she was galavanting around for three weeks in the Caribbean sun."

"What the hell was she talking about? Everyone was just laughing and having fun and talking about silly rumors, and Kina acts as if they were on the verge of another Gauntlet vote. There have been very few sanctimonious bitches on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge that have been as annoying and stupid as Kina. God, I hate her... and God, I hope she's on the next cast."

Congratulations TVgasm. You've reached a superior level of blogging.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nice recap, def. a fun of america t. model and real world. keep up the good work. lata

"You don't even know the difference between right and wrong's just sad"