Guys Gone Wild

A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila is perhaps the most entertaining dating show ever...or at least since Rock of Love. I'm totally over I Love New York.

I missed the first few minutes of the show, but tuned in just in time to see the crew whining over the fact that they weren't getting alone time with Tila. I'm not sure which two got the five minutes that supposedly can change the entire game, but it definitely WAS NOT Vanessa, who was literally crying in a corner.

This week two people were sent packing, and it was this unnecessarily prolonged, ridiculously overdramatic key session that got me officially hooked on the show. I laughed out loud...a lot.

First off, I love Amandazonian, who got her key. "I have really pretty blonde hair so sending me home would just be crazy." She's also the one who is previewed as saying "I am falling in love with Tila. Lesbians...do it really fast." Now THAT is a quotable young lady. She should make her own BBQ sauce or design a clothing line with Rodeo. Talk about a bankable partnership.

Then a top 3 moment happened when Tila asked to see Ashli but forgot to say whether it was the girl or the guy so cowboy started to stand up and she delivered the "THE GIRL." haha I nearly died. CLASSIC. Cut to Ashley's confessional line, "she has what in my last girlfriend made me go cuckoo and I'm ready for that again." Maybe not, Ashley, maybe not...

Back in the elimination room, my boy Michael got his key. Neon green headband-rocking Domenico got his, which was annoying. He's lame. And just because you're foreign, doesn't mean you get to wear neon headbands. Americanize that shit, dude.

Brandi got one too, and I can't decide what's worse, her dye job or her penciled on eyebrows. Previews for the season show her duking it out with Vanessa which I can't wait for. That will require popcorn for my viewing pleasure. I actually hope Brandi wins though because she seems like the lesser of two evils. Vanessa, the "dancer", which definitely means "stripper," is a grotsky little biotch.

Steven got his key. Ew. Put on a little more eyeliner, sweetheart. He might as well join the lesbian side, he fits in more over there. Dani could definitely end him, and she might have the chance to because she got her key too. I'm nervous because she's skating on thin ice and Tila said herself that the fire's still there, but it's burning low. I appreciate her use of pun there.

In the end, the girl going home was Sara which was another awesome moment. When Tila called her name she thought it meant she was staying. She started to say thank you! LOL!!! Yeah, Thank you FOR NOTHING is more like it. Pack ya bags.

The final two were Bobby and Ashley, both of whom looked pretty close to tears. That's a lose-lose decision if I've ever seen one, but surprisingly enough I would've liked to see Ashley stay because he comes out with some truly ridiculous one-liners, and he was already at the point where he was talking about kids and marriage! Whaaaattt? You want this ho to be the mother of your children? The guido fire prevailed.

Hell hath no fury like a cowboy scorned.

We're talkin' flipped plants, knocking on windows, calling Bobby a frat boy mother fucker (is that not his moniker?), the works. Steven was shaking like a leaf, then I lost sight of him, I think he was hiding behind either Dani or the Amandazonian.

In a brilliant move, frat boy mother...oh sorry, Bobby, was so "injured" that he needed to be whisked away in an ambulance that is probably paid to be on site at all times considering how unbalanced these crazies are. Hold my hand, Tila. I'm so scared, Tila. I'll put my brave face on and fight through the pain, Tila.

Well played, Mr. Blowout, well played.